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Talk:The Thing in Matt's Closet/@comment-24082398-20151221042500
Hey there! I put this in the Pending Review category and you asked me to give you some feedback as to why I did that. I guess it was kinda rude of me to just toss it in there, heh... Sorry... The first issue is punctuation, capitalization, grammar, those sorts of things. In the first paragraph alone, from 'Anyone ever...' to '... the show' I counted four major problems with the aforementioned topics. This pervades all throughout the pasta, and seriously detracts from the experience. It's easier to get immersed in a story when everything looks rights. The second issue I had was the behavior of the characters. It all seemed a bit unbelievable. Josh moved a bit too fast, especially with people he didn't know, and everyone seemed to take the jabs okay except for Matt. More on him later. It didn't flow very well and it made it seem... unrealistic. The dialogue and interactions need a bit more meat and polish as of right now. My third issue was Matt. What was up with him? This isn't ever explained. Was he a Satanist? Was he the devil? What was his deal? Why did he sign up if he had something that big to hide? The end of the story leaves so many unanswered questions about Matt that it's underwhelming. Some more information on him and his motives would be nice. I understand if you're going for a more ambiguous approach, but being vague is different than being satisfyingly mysterious. The fourth issue I had was with the 'confrontation.' It looks like it had some thought put into it, but it was all just.. cheesy. So there's a dead body, a bloody pentagram, demonic spirits, chanting, the devil's face... a veritable oasis of clichés are present in the confrontation. It's a lot more well-done than the alternatives, but it's in obvious need of cleaning up. The fifth issue I had was the abrupt ending. What happened after the devil flashes onscreen? Did the cops get called? Did everyone die? Did it turn out to be an elaborate prank? Lots of loose ends need to be tied up. As I said before, being vague and being satisfyingly mysterious are two different things... I struggle with this a lot too. My last issue is the believability. If this happened, and it was on MTV, then shouldn't this story be all around the world? Shouldn't it be talked about and discussed, even today? It isn't all the time you see someone get mutilated onscreen and see a demon. If this was real, this would have spread like wildfire through the world! I'm sorry for being so rude and harsh before, and even now with my criticisms. You seem like you put a bit of thought into this before you wrote it, and that's a lot better than the average drivel we get. I applaud you for making a good effort! If you clean it up a bit, you could have a very good pasta on your hands. Arrivederci!